Hitchhiking Behavior: How to Get A Ride

 

The Overview: Do's and Don'ts of hitchhiking. How to tell passing motorists you're not a fuck-up..

No one wants to be the next (name of couple) who picked up (murderous hitchhitcher's name) in (date) just outside (town), Wyoming who were killed before eaten.

It is advisable to avoid looking like the cliché hitchhiker,

• thumb out,
• head hanging,
• reeking of this week's alcoholism,
• dirty clothes,
• mixed beagle beside you,
• stinking of three nights womanless and sleeping in the pool
  of your urine.

Instead,

• present a clear sign,
• well kept appearance,
• and a smirking, if not smiling, face.

So, the more you can distance your appearance from that stereotypical hitchhiker, the more people will be willing to give you a lift. "Look at that poor fellow. Probably on his way back home from college, just like our little Timmy - and, gosh, he's hitchhiking, we'd better give him a lift." Vs. "Jesus, that guy doesn't look friendly. Christ, he's probably just on weekend furlough - shit, i'm not crazy, I'm not gonna pick that son-of-a-bitch, read u, up. I don't pick up hitchhikers.

"…Jesus, he'd probably rape me and steal my car, kidnap me, drive to Mexico and sell my kidney's - I've read about his type, his face looks familiar, he's pablobly famous there."

The Resolve: Cars pass quickly. Use your appearance and mannerisms to convince them you won't kill .